Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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