thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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