I wish my penis had an off switch
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm too high and old for this...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize