his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
