Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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