This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
