Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
