He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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