So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
