I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
