I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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