I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
