we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
