So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
