Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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