If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
