We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
