Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
