you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
