why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
