highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
