It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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