ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize