so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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