I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
