You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize