At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
