I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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