Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
