No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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