Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I currently don't understand fingers.
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