The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
