So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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