She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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