Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
