left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
