So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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