So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
