I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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