I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
