You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
