You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
