Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
