i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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