I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
