i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
