He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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