She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
