You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
