I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
