Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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