how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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