ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
