where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
