Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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