part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
