she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
