Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
