literally had 100 drinks last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
