haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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