he told me I talked like a deaf person
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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