dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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