u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
