The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You are a genius and a whore.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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