dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
