I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
