fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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