no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize