i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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