I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
