C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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