Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
