There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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