My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
